Then Comes Along Puberty
by Kidd Icarus
Summary: Ruby realizes that he's become the thing he has been fighting all these years... Teenage Boys. He thinks dirty thoughts nearly 24/7. Most revolving around a certain wild girl. Franticshipping Two-Shot. Finally complete.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N; Bah. I know. I said it was going to be a one-shot. Well, it's probably going to be a two-shot mainly because I wanted to focus on the actual party instead of ending it on the boat.**

**This story is mainly about Ruby struggling with his dirty thoughts. Basically, he's finally become a teenage boy who thinks of nothing but sex and hot girls.**

**He's normal now.**

**Meanwhile, Sapphire will cope.**

* * *

><p>Puberty is very fascinating thing.<p>

Even saying it feels uncomfortable.

It can make the most suave, smooth boy become an awkward teenager.

Usually striking at the age of thirteen, puberty makes voices crack, heights increase and hairs grow.

Of course, it also dispels the idea that girls/boys have 'cooties' or any other Elementary School disease.

On a somewhat related note, Ruby had always been socially gifted. This tended to bother his close friends, as they didn't understand how somebody with such an obnoxious personality could get along perfectly with girls and boys alike.

However, the teenager was blissfully unaware of all of the hints of fondness a certain blue-eyed female friend continued to drop.

Sapphire (Aforementioned blue-eyed female friend) was terribly grateful when she first heard Ruby's voice crack a little during one of their routine arguments.

After a brief conversation with Crystal, Sapphire had thought that Ruby would eventually figure everything out. That he would put two and two together and realize that he had feelings for Sapphire, just like she had feelings for him.

Unfortunately, her prediction was merely wishful thinking.

If anything, Ruby had become even MORE ignorant and dense after puberty.

She pushed on for a bit longer, knowing that eventually she would get past his hard exterior and enter the soft, sweet, gooey center.

However, after a year she gave up. On her fifteenth birthday when Ruby showed no interest in leaving the friend zone, she gave up. Sapphire had concluded it was never meant to be, and that when they confessed those many years ago, it was silly. They were so young then. They didn't know much anything.

So, Sapphire gave up at age fifteen.

Ruby figured everything out at the age of sixteen.

* * *

><p><em>When somebody as self-promoting as Ruby began to be disgusted by himself, that's when you know something's wrong.<em>

_If he_ were to see a female wearing a tight shirt and/or a short skirt, his thoughts wouldn't be

_Oh, that's a cute little outfit._

Or even

_Dear Mew, that top does NOT go with those shoes. What a fashion atrocity!_

But instead many dirty thoughts. Some that would make his senior Gold proud.

Don't even get him started on Sapphire.

She had aged rather nicely. Let's leave it at that?

No? Okay.

Well, Ruby -much like every lovestruck boy of Hoenn- had difficulty summing up Sapphire's appearance in words.

How perfect her hair was without her really obsessing about it.

How pleasant her features were without her practically painting her face with make-up like most every girl in the region did.

How big her- eck - _legs _had gotten.

Yes.

Her legs.

Very -ehm- long. And.. Nice..Looking.

Ruby realized how disgusting he was shortly after a recent reunion.

_It had been seven years since Red had recieved a Pokedex or something._

_Ruby was on his way to Pallet Town with Gold, so they were forced to trek through Viridian Forest. (Ruby was not very happy with this venture- so much mud.)_

_Ruby caught sight of a Lass. She looked roughly his age, maybe a bit older._

_Latias, he thought. That girl's hot. If I were trapped in a room with her- he cut himself off. _

_Blergh. A gross taste filled his mouth. He hated how dirty his thoughts were._

_When they were a hundred or so feet away from the trainer, Gold says to Ruby_

_"Good Mew, that girl was H-O-T. If I were alone with her-" he trailed off and gave his friend a devilish smirk._

_He was sharing thoughts with Gold._

_As in sick-minded, perverted, flirtatious Gold._

_Ugh. There's the gross taste in the mouth again._

* * *

><p>There was soon to be yet another reunion. This one, in Johto. For Christmas, of course. It was mid-December and only a few days from the holiday.<p>

The 'Dex Holders would have a brief party, hang around a bit on Christmas day and then head back home.

Ruby had had enough before he even got to Johto.

You see, he originally had a contest planned for that day. The moment he learned it interfered with the plans, he built his busy schedule around said contest.

Sadly, Professor Elm was beginning to lose it with his old age. He thought that (despite Ruby's phone call) that he wouldn't be attending the party.

Which means he only reserved two rooms for the ferry.

A nice Queen-sized bed for Sapphire and a little Twin-sized one for Emerald.

He could sleep in the same room as Emerald, on the floor or something.

Boy was he wrong. Emerald wanted none of it.

He decided to sleep outside in the big hallway, but Sapphire caught sight of him on her way to bed, grabbed him by his shirt collar (sending warm shivers down his spine) and dragged him to her room.

"Where am I supposed to sleep?" he asked Sapphire, looking at the room with it's single bed.

Sapphire took one of her three pillows and put it in the middle of the bed. "There." she said, unbelieveably steady and calm for somebody offering her best friend a spot in her bed.

Ruby's face quickly warmed to match the color of his eyes.

"N-no. It's okay. i-i-I'll just sleep outside." he grabbed his suitcase, only to have it snatched away from him by Sapphire.

"No." she said simply.

"Why not?" Ruby asked, his face now thoroughly red.

"Cause. You can get sick out there. It's snowin' if ya haven't noticed."

This was the first time he noticed the icy flakes on his arms. The tiny snow-specks on his face had long melted against his intense blushing.

"W-why do you care if I get sick?" he asks, desperate to get away from the room.

Leaving a teenage boy in the same room as a teenage girl was like leaving a pyromaniac in a match factory.

Sapphire's face turned a little pink, to Ruby's horror. Oh, dear Arceus. He had to leave before he did something stupid.

She nervously began "'Cause-"

Fear. Argh, this was far scarier than any homocidal Sapphire rage or Silver death-stare.

" Oh, you 'member last year, don't 'cha? When Crys' had that cough and it ruined t' whole party? I can't have 'ya ruinin' crap for everybody else."

Confusion. He felt his body loosen a bit. Was it a '_oh-dear-that-was-a-close-one-i'm-so-relieved_' kind of loosen? Or a '_oh-i-was-kinda-hoping-some-hot-making-out-was-about-to-occur_' kind of loosen?

"Won't your Dad get mad or something?"

Sapphire came awfully close to saying 'I don't care what he thinks.' but that sounded dangerously close to the kind of thing a seductive teenager would say in a soap opera involving baby-making.

"Fine. Whatever. Sleep on the floor."

Ruby lied on the ground. Even though he couldn't see anything on the beige carpet, it grossed him out to think how many people had walked across it.

_Better than being grossed out by yourself._

Ah, so true, Ruby's conscience. So true.

The fell asleep without any 'goodnight' or other pleasantries.

Later that night, both would have nearly identical dreams.

Ruby would dream about having a Sapphire voodoo doll and jabbing at it with needles all day.

Sapphire would dream about caving in Ruby's head with an aluminum bat.

However, they would wake from this dream, catch sight of their friend, smile faintly and drift back into sleep.

Ruby would then dream about kissing Sapphire passionately.

Sapphire would dream likewise.

As strange as it may seem, they enjoyed each of their dreams thoroughly.

* * *

><p><strong><span>AN; blah. i'm so sorry if that last 'dreaming' bit made no sense. **

**anyway, i just have to revise the second part a little bit and it will be done.**

**idk really if i should have a fluff ending or not. ive never really tried fluff.**

**just my luck is to be updated soon. by friday at the latest. a learning experience by thursday.**

**review dear god please i need encouragment you guys make the sleepless nights and groggy mornings worth it.**

**-3**


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N; Hello, dear readers! I beg and plead for your forgiveness! It's been over a year since I've last updated, and I'm afraid school, family emergencies and illness are to blame. I decided that I would try to make it up to you guys by finishing this two-shot. ("more like two chapter story that hasn't been updated in over a year" jeers the readers) **_

_**enjoy the product of my twisted imagination!  
><strong>_

_**[long chapter so sorry]  
><strong>_

_**disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon, Pokespe or its characters, nor any of the pop culture that was referenced in this tale of grandeur.  
><strong>_

* * *

><p>Ruby was familiar with the concept of a dilemma.<p>

During the wintertime, he had often struggled with the age-old question of 'Scarf or no scarf?'

However, recently these dilemmas became much more difficult, and certainly could not be solved by referring to the most recent issue of 'Vogue'.

_'Watch the attractive woman bend over to pick up her keys or no watch the attractive woman bend over to pick up her keys?'_

That faithful morning, though, the recently pubescent boy faced his greatest problem yet.

_'To stare at Sapphire while she sleeps or not stare at Sapphire while she sleeps_,' he pondered as he lay on the carpeted floor._ 'That is the question.'_

Ruby had had enormous difficulty sleeping, what with who he thought to be the most attractive person on the planet (or at least in his immediate social circle) sleeping less than ten feet away.

Waking up was an even more complicated situation.

_'I should wake her up_,' he decided, but then he figured that would rather keep himself intact for the reunion party and waking up from a deep slumber Sapphire was dangerous business, so he let her sleep.

_Well, letting her sleep, that was romantic, wasn't it?_

He was sure he had seen many of chick flicks in which the rugged male lead watched the gorgeous female lead sleep and then make out with the woman's face upon the awakening. He didn't know how comfortable he would feel in that situation with Sapphire.

Ruby felt his face heat up at the thought.

_'She sounds cute when she sleep_s,' he thought, studying the patterns on the ceiling with fierce concentration. '_Gosh, what if she sleeps in Torchic pajamas?'_

Relieved that his thoughts were his own for a few moments, Ruby grinned at the thought of his wild friend wearing a pajama cap, drool pouring from the left corner of her mouth. The relief was short-lived.

_'What if she sleeps naked?'_

He let out an audible 'Ack!'. How could his thoughts whip from cute pajamas to nudity with such little pause?

_It's getting worse_, he thought grimly, ever the theatrical one. _This is going to tear me apart._

_What if she DID sleep naked? Only a comforter separating her bare curves from the cool, open air._ Ugh, he had to stop. _All he would have to do was stand up and tug the comforter free from her limbs and marvel at her bare, clear olive skin, taut with fine musculature._ He felt his heart rate pick up. The vile taste filled his throat- _He could just barely hunch over and plant his lips to hers- a hot, passionate lip lock._ Why wouldn't it just STOP? _Her hands would find the bottom of his shirt, as she was surely very dominant in these kind of situations._ Oh, sweet Latias- _She would peel his shirt from his frame and kiss him again, bare chest to bare chest-_

"'S that you?"

Ruby's thoughts came to a screeching halt. His 'Ack!' accompanied with his various whimpers during his 'moment of weakness' must have woken her.

He shut his eyes, made the most convincing sleep-face he had the ability to make and swallowed the last of his lustful whimpers.

Sapphire must have assumed she was hearing things, because she didn't say another word.

After a few seconds to contemplate the embarrassing hormone explosion, Ruby realized that he was one of the most disgusting, gutter-dwelling perverts to ever curse the planet.

_Bare chest to bare chest? That's a horrifying prospect. Imagine how many diseases she has contracted from all of that mud-romping._

A year ago, this would have made for a satisfactory dig, and Ruby would smile to himself and maybe even indulge in a chuckle.

His heart wasn't in it, though.

Before he had a chance to think of the confusion that came with young love and his opinions on his best friend's changing body (but mostly the latter), Sapphire shifted from under the covers above him and hopped from her bed.

"Wake up, lazy ass," Sapphire shouted, and despite the rudeness of the phrase, Ruby felt his heart flutter.

He did his best and pretended to wake up, which he presumed he did a good job doing, given how satisfied her expression was at his disgruntled noises.

Faking memory loss for four years straight really worked wonders a fellow's acting skills.

"Mornin', sunshine," she said gruffly, watching with an amused expression as Ruby sat up from his sleeping space on the floor.

_Definitely dominate in 'these kinds of situations'._

He swallows the whimper.

His friend walks to the circular window on the side of the room and evaluated the outer world, which usually wouldn't have been a big deal, but in this case with Ruby in this state of mind, it was a huge deal. She had on a casual sky blue tank top and dark gray short shorts. Frankly, he had never been one to think that gray _ever_ went with any shade of blue, but it suited her fine and he-

_Short shorts._

Sapphire was wearing shorts, and he found his gaze lingering. More of a linger than his typical '_what a cute dress that model is wearing I shall recreate it to fit Nana_' linger, but a '_what are my emotions doing all of these hormones what_' kind of linger.

Her. Legs.

When did she find time amidst all of their day-to-day chaos, quarrels and traveling to develop into such a stunning young woman, where Ruby scarcely found time to keep up with his own feelings?

"We're almost there," she noted. "I'm going to go change." Sapphire smirked at Ruby, who happened to have slept in his street clothes. "Seems you don't have t' worry 'bout that."

The brunette left a hormonally-confused teenager alone, walking into the room that connected to ferry's room, much like that of a cheap hotel.

He didn't hear Sapphire lock the door behind her, which made his ears ring.

Then he heard her undress.

The sounds of the fabric falling to the floor. Zippers unzipping. Waistbands snapping. It was too much. His whole body was throbbing._ Bare skin being exposed with every article dropping. It would shine in the glow of the bathroom lights. Not a single layer of synthetic material to keep him from-_

"I'm going to check on 'Rald!" he shouted, his voice cracking.

Ruby then left the room with the urgency of someone whose life was on the line.

Or rather, their integrity.

* * *

><p>"Good morning, Prissy Pants," Emerald said when he heard Ruby enter. The boy was ready for their venture to New Bark Town at his laptop, playing a game on the Internet.<p>

"Hi, Emerald," Ruby replied, giving a tight-lipped smile, mostly for his benefit, as Emerald's eyes were trained on the glowing screen.

Emerald, who was in his rebellious fifteen-year-old boy phase and had been spending far too much time with a certain golden-eyed, black-haired senior met this unusually kind greeting with sarcasm.

"_'Hi, Emerald,'_" he imitated in a high, shrill impersonation of Ruby's voice. The short boy scoffed and rolled his eyes, though Ruby could not see it. "What's your problem? No height jokes? Hair jokes? How about my baggy sleeves? No jokes? Or should I say, 'harsh insults'?"

Ruby flushed. So he had lashed out when Emerald refused to allow him to sleep in his room with him. This did not excuse sarcasm.

_You're such a hypocrite,_ the barely-surviving logical part of his brain tittered. _Your ancestors probably _invented _sarcasm._

"Sorry," he mumbled, which was promptly imitated in the same shrill voice.

The apology was even more out of character.

"What's your issue, Girly?" Emerald taunted, turning in his chair and his eyes being met with a pair of wild, confused crimson eyes.

"You look like a gay Infernape who has recently escaped captivity," Rald observed. "Either that or someone with some girl problems."

You see, Emerald was not 'stupid' by any means. He had a brain, and in fact a very large one. He knew that day when he rejected Ruby's desperate room sharing plea, the boy would end up in Sapphire's room.

Frankly, any boy who slept near Sapphire would be plagued with some dirty thoughts, especially when that boy already had a substantial crush on her.

Ruby was no exception.

"How did you know?" Ruby asked, his voice much louder than he expected it to come out as.

"You just told me," the blonde boy giggled, appreciating the sheer awesomeness factor that came with the cliche response.

Ruby moaned, and with yet another hormonal rush, the thoughts couldn't stop.

_What if she actually liked you? That would be great._ He appreciated the innocence the thoughts were projecting. _How nice would it be to just hang out with her. Alone. On a couch._ Yes. These were a nice kind of hormones. _Watch dumb movies. Eat dumb take-out. Say dumb things. Just be dumb. Being love-dumb was fun, he imagined. _This was a very uncharacteristic thought, but then again, Ruby had been uncharacteristic for the past year. _What if you woke up along side her every morning? Just woke up and saw her. No sex. She's just there. Hair all crazy. Lean over. What would you do? Huh? What would you-_

"Whisper sweet nothings," he blurted out.

Emerald did not grasp the context of this phrase. All he knew was that they had been discussing girls, (or at least, he had mentioned them.) Ruby skipped a few beats and then blurted out one of the cheesiest phrases in the history of man.

Ruby turned bright red.

The phrase itself was embarrassing. No rugged male lead on the planet could find a way to make 'whisper sweet nothings' sound manly or cool. Really. Anyone who tried failed miserably, as many actors and actress had learned over the years.

The context made it much worse.

"Whisper sweet nothings, eh?" Emerald said, shattering the excruciating silence. The smirk on his face had perfectly embodied the suggestiveness and smugness that Gold often projected.

"To who, might I ask? I bet I know. Is it..."

Ruby didn't have to answer. He knew what the next two sing-song syllables would be.

"_Sapphireee_~?"

And that, my friends, is how Emerald became the hated, powerful man in Ruby's life before the poor boy even brushed his teeth.

Ruby tried to work in a biting insult. Possibly one regarding Emerald's lack of female friends or his atrocious sense of style, but his lips couldn't seem to form words.

"Y-you don't really under- the context- I m-mean-Y-y-you-"

He was then mimicked, of course.

Emerald, playing Gold's part without much flaw, pushed Ruby out of the doorway and made a grab for Sapphire's door across the hall, his intentions clear.

Ruby accessed his channel of what Sapphire had often jokingly referred to as '_mystical unicorn strength_' and locked the back of Emerald's shirt in an iron grip, jerking his hand backwards, thus pulling the boy backwards as well.

The boy gagged when the front of his collar cut onto his throat.

"Leggo!" he rasped.

Ruby fumbled to reach around Emerald and twist the smaller boy to face him. He then - with wonderful execution, he thought- grabbed the front of Emerald's jacket and lifted the boy to eye level which-although was only a little more than a foot- made Ruby feel much better about himself.

_What a magnificent display of strength,_ the sleep-deprived, lustful four-fifths of his brain cheered. _Next stop: the Olympic Trials!_

"If you mention one word of anything to her," he growled, hoping four years of faking memory loss improved a fellow's bluffing as well, "I will personally murder you to death."

_Murder you to death? Oh, Arceus, he needed some sleep. _

Emerald's eyes widened for a moment, and Ruby began to feel very proud of himself. He had intimidated someone. All he needed was some macho background music.

Then Emerald burst into a fit of laughter.

"Oh," he cried in mock-terror. "Save me, he's going to drown me in _FINE SILK_!"

Fine silk. Add that to the list of phrases that no one could make manly.

Ruby began to twitch with fury and nearly kneed Emerald in the stomach, (for desperate times so often called for desperate measures) but he felt the boat slow to a stop beneath him, pulling the plug on these violent intentions.

"Land ho!" he heard a theatrical deckhand cry from the deck of the ferry.

Within a second, Sapphire was out of her room and dressed ready for the bitter winter climate. Thankfully for Ruby's sanity, she wore pants. He released his grip on Emerald and the boy landed on his feet. The hormonal teenager whipped around to face Sapphire.

"Hi, Sapphire!" Ruby said (again, much louder than he intended) "Ready to go?"

Sapphire blinked at this unusual enthusiasm, and asked in a genuinely concerned voice, "Are you okay?"

Ruby put on his best grin (which achieved the same effect as a poorly made-up clown honking his red nose- quite terrifying) and said, "Never better!"

Turning to her other friend, Sapphire noticed that Emerald wore the largest smirk she had ever seen anyone wear. How did it even fit on his face?

Sapphire dismissed all of this strange behavior and hurried the boys along to get off of the ship.

The flight on her Tropius to New Bark Town was one of great silence.

Ruby sat between Sapphire and Emerald, running a lint-roller back an forth over his sleeves in an effort to calm himself. It wasn't very effective.

Emerald had his head tipped back, grinning at the sky and chuckling every few moments.

Sapphire, blissfully unaware of her crimson-eyed friend's inner turmoil and her green-eyed friend's inner triumph, enjoyed the feeling of the sharp air passing over her face and admired their magnificent aerial view.

It took only a few minutes for Emerald to decide how to approach the situation.

"Hey, Sapph'" Emerald shouted over the wind, and the only girl on board turned to face him. "Guess what?"

The amount of time it took for Ruby to interrupt was stunning. Whoever had written that article on how poor his reaction time was, they must have not put all scenarios into consideration, because it was so quick it would humble a track star.

"Wow!" he yelled, even choosing to stand up on Pilo, something he had never dared to do. ("_Yes, stand up. How genius of you, Sapphire. I would so love to fall to my death from his mangy thing you call a Pokemon.")_ "Is that Raikou? Holy crap, that's insane!" He then pointed in the dense wooded area beneath them. An empty wooded area, of course.

Sapphire stood and neared the edge of Pilo, squinting through the light gray clouds below.

No legendary dog in sight.

"Don't see nothin'," she reported.

Ruby then entered a fit of inexplicable laughter, and Sapphire began to worry that her friend was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

"Hahaha!" he howled. "That's hilarious! Well, you know what they always say... Them Entei are sneaky ones!"

On the verge indeed.

"I thought you said it was a Raikou,"

Another fit of laughter.

The laughter cut off abruptly and Ruby dropped back onto his bottom and continued to strip the lint from his coat sleeves, face void of expression. The sudden change in emotion would have usually made Sapphire laugh, but this day was a day full of exceptions.

Sapphire lowered herself back to a seating position. She exchanged a confused look with Emerald, who just grinned in return.

_I am surrounded by psychopaths_, she realized. _They're mentally ill._

Upon finally arriving and landing, Ruby was slow getting off, calculating Emerald's every movement with care so to stay no farther than two feet away from him.

Ruby tried to stick with his region throughout the chatter and reacquainting. He truly, honestly, sincerely did. Well, he didn't have much of a choice, of course, for he had to watch Emerald like a Staraptor to be able to interrupt any of his inevitable spouting of the mouth.

But Sapphire messed it all up. They kept brushing arm to arm and hand to hand and shoulder to shoulder and coat to coat and having their gazes wandering to each other and he kept catching a whiff of the cinnamon shampoo he got her to consistently use for his thirteenth birthday.

Every time her arm grazed his, he couldn't help but fantasize numerous situations, all of which ended with bare chest to bare chest contact.

He seriously had a problem.

Ruby then found innocent refuge in conversation with Platina.

In the clearing behind Professor Elm's lab, all of the 'Dex Holders were chatting and drinking various soft drinks and most were watching the annual battles. Famous battles that took place every year between the same people with no exception.

Sapphire was currently battling Black, which meant she didn't have the ability to talk with Emerald.

This gave Ruby a few moments to breathe.

Ruby purposefully stood facing the battle. This would allow him to monitor Emerald and Sapphire's interaction and still be able to keep his social ties intact.

_You're being childish,_ the only functioning common sense he had told him. _What's so wrong with Sapphire knowing your true feelings?_

_Shut up_, the much larger confused and hormonal part of his brain retorted.

So he continued to watch.

"Then Mr. Connors put a boa on the thing. A. Boa. Can you believe it?" This poor fashion choice must have insulted Platina to an enormous extent, because she was gesturing every word wildly, very 'unladylike' behavior. Diamond and Pearl must have been rubbing off on her

Ruby shook his head. "That man is losing it, I tell you,"

He was happy to distract himself from his personal problems, but then Sapphire stopped battling. She had beat Black. (None were surprised; Black was deathly ill and had only battled for the sake of tradition, much to White's dismay.)

He watched as Emerald walked up to Sapphire. Ruby realized that Emerald had been conversing with Gold during the battle. His heart sank. Of course../

Gold turned to where Ruby was standing, caught the frantic boy's eye and winked.

_He knows,_ Ruby inwardly moaned. _He knows._

"And then this bit- ehm, this _woman_," Platina continued, "Says that green doesn't go with blue. Where has she been in the spring of 2011, I wonder? Does she have any fashion magazine subscriptions? You know, I could tell she didn't. Everyone with a brain knows that cashmere was out since last week, and she was covered in the stuff!"

Ruby nodded, though it was clear that his thoughts lie elsewhere.

Miss Berlitz became offended by this lack of attention.

"What on Earth are you looking-" She turned around and saw Emerald greeting Sapphire. The Sinnoh native turned back and smiled, having not been born yesterday.

"Ah," she said. "I see. Love conquers all. Especially one's attention. All is forgiven. I understand the reason behind your lack of interest."

His face felt as though it had been set fire, though he was too occupied tracking Emerald and Sapphire's conversation to care for what seemed _everyone _knew about.

_"Hey, Sapphire!" he imagined Emerald saying, face split in two with a wide grin. "Nice battle!"_

_"Thanks," Sapphire would reply, dismissing the compliment with a wave of the hand. "It was nothing."_

_"Hey, I heard Ruby is a huge pervert who watches you sleep and imagines your bare chest against his and wants to whisper sweet nothings in your ear!"_

_"Naw, really?"_

_"Sure!"_

_"Cool! Now I'm going to discuss this topic with him and effectively both wreck our friendship and drown him in awkward shame!"_

_"Sounds great!"_

_"I might ruin his reputation and slap him around a little, too!"_

_"Can I tag along?"_

_"I thought you'd never ask!"_

Oh, sweet Latios, that just couldn't happen. He had to act.

What to do? He grasped at his knowledge of every romantic comedy he had ever watched. There was only one thing to do.

Well, although there were many courses of action that would achieve the desired effect (discussing his feelings with her, kindly asking Emerald to respect his private thoughts, trusting his friend to take the news with a light heart, etc.) his brain was muddled and his thoughts thick with lust and testosterone.

He ran to Sapphire with great urgency and as much dignity as he could muster.

She was surrounded by the other Dex holders, who were all intently watching the annual battle between Red and Green.

"Hey, Ruby!" greeted Emerald, knowing full well what he had set into action. "I was just about to tell Sapphire how-"

Emerald never got to finish that dangerous statement, for Ruby had grabbed Sapphire by the shoulders and planted his lips against hers.

It was safe to say that Green and Red's battle was no longer holding everyone's attention.

Survivors of 'The Great Hoenn Kiss of 2012' would later report that Pika had frozen mid-Thunderbolt, apparently captivated by what all of the Dex Holders had been counting on for years to occur.

_'Mission successful!_' Blue, whose heart was swelling with glee, thought. '_I knew it would happen eventually! Score 1 Blue!'_

'_Yech,'_ thought Silver, who had less than five minutes ago caught Blue flirting with Green in the lab bathroom. '_I can't walk two feet without seeing a lovefest, can I?'_

_'Is it normal for snot to be yellow?'_ wondered Black, preoccupied by his own sickness. _'I really hope so.'_

Ruby couldn't feel anything from the neck down. Entirely numb.

_I must be really good at this,_ he thought. _It's been like a century._

It had been six seconds.

He broke away, not wanting to come on too strong for their first kiss. (That's what all of the guys in the movies did, right?)

Ruby didn't know what to expect from Sapphire. A cheesy line? Going in for another?

As an avid fan of romantic novels, he suspected that, maybe, he had cracked into her gooey, soft center (_oh, the irony,_) and she would profess her undying love for him, compliment his modest muscular build and fling her arms around his neck. A soft breeze would make her hair billow around her shoulders. Celine Dion's '_My Heart Will Go On'_ would play in the background. The sun would begin to set. All of the 'Dex Holders would sigh fondly.

She slapped him.

_Or maybe not._

_'Okay,' _Crystal thought, having had winced hearing the loud noise that rang through the clearing when Sapphire's palm made contact with Ruby's left cheek. '_He deserved that for jumping out at her like that._

'_Does this mean I still owe Blue that money?' _wondered Pearl. '_She wasn't very clear with the rules..'_

_'I am very hungry,' _decided Dia. _'All of this drama better end before that roast Professor Elm promised gets cold, or I will burst into tears.'_

She slapped him again. And again. And again. His head comically flew in the direction of the opposite cheek with each slap. Gold would have been rolling on the floor laughing had he not felt terrible for poor Ruby.

Then she punched him. Punch. Slap. Kick. Slap. Kick.

The attacks increased in frequency and decreased in accuracy. Within moments, she was blindly beating the living out of her 'best friend'.

The 'Dex Holders had backed away by the time her anger became rage, thankfully. With every landed hit, a ripple of winces would pass through the crowd.

Ruby was cowering. Hands up. Bent knees. Yelping broken apologies.

"I'm- _ow!- _I wasn't- _ow!- _I didn't mean-_ crap!"_

Sapphire grabbed Ruby by the front of his jacket and lifted him, having had reduced the boy to his knees.

Emerald couldn't help but giggle at the irony.

"Listen, you," she growled, and Ruby began taking note on how to effectively intimidate someone. "I really appreciate the affection. Truly. So sweet. Mighty flatterin'. Yes. But you have the _nerve..."_ Kick. Knee. Slap. "...to up and _kiss me_ in front of ALL of these people? Where the hell was this affection four years ago? Or three? Or two? Or last year, for Arceus' sake?"

Ruby realized she wanted a response.

All the beaten boy could manage was a whimpered: "Sorry."

Slap. Kick. Punch. "Listen, Sissy, I like you, and you know that. But that was a real ass move back there, and I don't know how I feel about asses."

She pivoted Ruby so his back was facing her.

"But y' know what? If_ you_ can forget Mirage Island, maybe _I_ can forget New Bark Town."

Ruby knew this wasn't true. She was going to tease him and bully him about this outburst for years to come.

Sapphire then kicked Ruby's ass.

Literally.

He flew a few dozen feet, then landed flat on his face in a snowbank.

After a few minutes of awe and sympathy, the 'Dex Holders dispersed, leaving Ruby all alone in the cold.

"Wonderful," he said into the snow, afraid to move.

He heard footsteps behind him and tightened, afraid of what wrath from either the other 'Dex Holders or Sapphire he was to face.

A hand grabbed the back of his head and pulled his face from the snow. He couldn't see anything, given his hat had flopped over his face. The hand pushed the hat back to its customary position.

Sure enough, there was Sapphire, a fond smile spread across her face. She leaned forward an his heart leapt into his throat when she kissed him, her lips lift and soft against his.

_ Two kisses in a day. I'm on a roll. _

She pulled away and began to stand up.

"Try to time it a little better next time, 'ya nitwit,"

"Yes, ma'am," he croaked and decided it would be smarter to just lay there for a little while and recover.

** _ A/N; How was that? Really long, I know... I almost split it into three, but decided against it. Given this is my first finished fanfic, how was it, though? Too cheesy? OOC? Confusing? R&R, nonetheless. I'll try to update more frequently from here on out._**


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